alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
