I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
