Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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