I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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