I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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