What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize