yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
