Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
