Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
