I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
