so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
