Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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