Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
