please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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