It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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