Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
