Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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