ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
