never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
