I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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