I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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