Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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