i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
