Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
