My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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