Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I've blown a few things in my day
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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