I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
