I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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