everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize