I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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