the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
