I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
