you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
