i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
