the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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