I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Sober January is a disaster.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
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I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
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Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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