I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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