i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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