Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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