my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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