Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
