you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
