You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
