I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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