It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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