i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
