He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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