I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
