im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
