You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
so much tequila, so little girl.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
