i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize