Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
