I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
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i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
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At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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