I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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