the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
