We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
