More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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