my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
