so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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