Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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