so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
