Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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