After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
