Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
They are going to name an STD after you.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
