i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
