WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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