literally had 100 drinks last night.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
