i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
