went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
