I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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